As far as I'm concerned, the gods have spoken
Today my intrepid husband and his lifelong buddies are heading north to Canada, for four days of ice fishing. This will be their 16th annual trip; Mike flies in from Chicago, and Steve drives over from Madison and they meet Doug and Chris and Dave here and then they all carpool to Duluth to meet John.
Usually they go in January, and only as far as Baudette, in northern Minnesota.
But this year they decided March would be better. Warmer! No fish house needed! And fish bite when it's warmer.
And they also decided to go all the way to Canada. They can stay at John's cabin! So what if they have to drive farther and deal with border guards and everybody needs a passport; it's free!
This trip, in my mind, is blinking with neon signs from God saying, "Bad idea. Skip it this year." Here's why:
1) Dave--the one who has the giant SUV that they can all fit in for the drive north--can't go this year. His wife is hugely pregnant. (Dave is the one in the yellow jacket.)
2) Doug's Jeep, despite repeated vacuumings, remains pretty full of dog hair. Mike (short, with glasses, giving the photog the finger) is seriously asthmatic and doesn't think he can handle riding in the Jeep.
3) So Chris will drive his Passat, instead. (Chris--big guy, far left.) A Passat. Ice fishing. Think the locals won't know he's a yuppie?
4) This means that Steve (dressed all in black) now has to drive alone straight to Duluth to meet John (fish cap on head, fish clenched in hand), so that the Passat doesn't get too crowded. Steve and John planned to head into Canada first, set up camp at John's cabin, and get in some early fishing while Doug and Chris and Mike are still on the road.
and then God spoke....
5) The forecast is for bitter cold. Much colder than it was in January. Like 30 degrees colder. So now they have to rent a fish house. And the cold front means fish almost certainly won't be biting.
6) Mike e-mailed from Chicago and said he thinks he's getting the flu.
7) John e-mailed from Duluth and said his truck has broken down. Needs a new transmission. They'll have to drive Steve's car to Canada, instead. That means they won't have a four-wheel drive and they need one for getting out onto the ice.
8) That means that Doug will have to drive the Jeep after all... (more futile vacuuming)
9) ...even though it means that Mike might wheeze and gasp and use his inhaler the whole six-hour drive north.
10) New forecast comes out; even colder than first predicted. Now they're saying a high of one below on Friday. A high. Of. One. Below.
My question: At what point do they realize this is a tremendous debacle, a bad idea, seriously awful timing, and call the whole damn thing off?
I mean, even if everything were going as planned, tell me: Is there anything bleaker than sitting out in a tin shack in the middle of a frozen lake freezing your ass off and trying desperately to catch a damn fish? Which, if truth be known, you're never going to eat anyway?
26 comments:
After a certain point, men stop being reasonable and let themselves run wild with their ideas and run only on emotions and consider only what the original plan was supposed to be and not what the actual reality tells them it ought to be.
Here is where the women are supposed to step in and become the voices of reason, because the men are like little boys who can no longer reason for themselves.
They'll need a stern talking to and be brought to their senses again, even though it means that the women will be the bad guys and will be forever blamed for keeping the men from having this fun fishing trip.
Such is life.
I know I'm a worrywart, but I started worrying about Doug as soon as you mentioned the ice fishing thing a couple of days ago. Call me a Californian, but there's something wrong with driving a truck onto ice for god's sake. And then sitting on it for hours?
IT'S ICE. Not terra firma. Terra frigid, maybe.
Maybe it's me, but this trip will need a lot of beer.
Oh, and you at home by yourself? What time should we be there with the case of wine??
Based on the last picture, I am thinking they go for the sunrise. Maybe it would be more fun if they all went to Chicago for the weekend.
Excuse me we are talking about men right? we are a hearty breed,or so we think. therefore we can handle everything that goes wrong and call them minor setbacks.Or so we think?
I guess you would think I was a completely out-of-my-mind-psycho-tom-boy if I showed up with a case of beer and asked if I could go, huh?
If they go, you need to come down here. It was 50 today. 50, Laurie. Bring the dogs. We'll go to the dog park. I'll keep you so busy you won't be able to worry. And, most importantly, you'll be warm.
You'll have to ride around in my damn yuppie Passat, though.
This sounds like a Little Miss Sunshine trip, minus the yellow VW and dysfunctionals.
On the other hand, Laurie gets a weekend alone at home--do you have any thin mints left?
Oh this is such boy stuff, planning and replanning and car hopping and gear gathering and re-scheduling and they'll assemble on the ice and pretend they're not cold and dying to go home and make like they love fishing.
I really get it.
Enjoy your time alone, Laurie and be glad you're not included!!
XO
WWW
This is such a great story. But if you've got your mind set on something, you gotta do it. No choice anymore! Mind's made up. Hope the boys don't freeze to death.
I have a little award for you over at my place.
We've been watching Ice Road Truckers over here. Those men drive in dangerous conditions to earn big bucks. That I can understand. But for fun?? And a fish?
Oh My God. I'd be just like you Laurie and worried sick. What is it with men?
Oh good grief, that sounds like a treatment for a Hollywood Comedy!
Men!
JJx
you guys are totally making me laugh.
a) i have one box and most of one sleeve of thin mints left. (doug's mom gave me a box, too.)
b) i need more wine. i only have three and a half bottles to get me through the the weekend.
c) i haven't seen "little miss sunshine." maybe this is the weekend to rent it! after my annual requisite ice fishing viewing of "persuasion," of course.
d) misty, you're free to try! but all i can say is, when doug gets home from fishing, he reeks. like stale beer, dead fish, and cigar smoke.
e) WWW, you're exactly right. that's it exactly.
f) kaycie, a passat is only evidence of Yuppie-dom if you take it ice fishing. in town, it's just a car.
g) RC, they're leaving this morning. see you at Kaycie's house tonight!
Damn! I've got to get busy! I've got to go to the liquor store and the pet store and the grocery and the liquor store. I've got to find a manly man thing for Chris to do, get a babysitter for the little guy . . . I wonder if I can find a girl scout somewhere?
What time will you be here?!?
They're men! They have manly things to do that can't be stopped by a little cold/illness/vehicle trouble. It's the hunter-gatherer instinct.
I'm guessing after they freeze their asses off this year they might give it a miss next year though...
Imagine me sitting here with my jaw dropped onto my desk.....bonkers, they're completely bonkers!
Wow. Ice fishing sounds fun. Glad it is them and not me!
Kitties and woofies would never do anything so silly. It's much warmer at home.
Mommy told us to say you should reserve Little Miss Sunshine from the library and save yourself the rental fee. She can't help herself. She's a librarian. And cheap.
Definitely a man thing. Once a goal is established, they will not be deterred - even if the goal is no longer particularly desirable.
kaycie, how about we meet you in kansas city?
caro, every year they slink home and vow to never go again. and every year around november or december, they start making plans....
aoj, well, at least i get a free weekend out of the deal.
riley & tiki, you cats are smarter than my husband. and your mommie is right--that would be smarter.
bookwoman, you hit it right on the money. they seem genetically unable to change their minds, once they set a course.
They won't need the ice house, Laurie. They are not gonna stop and ask for directions and they're gonna end up at the Marri*tt somewhere.
Okay, I know I'm late. But...
sign me up for meeting you and kaycie in kansas city.
and..
GO GET LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE NOW!!!!
You will laugh your ass off!!!!
It's a good thing you didn't come. I've been asleep on the sofa for three hours. No liquor store run and no girl scout cookies. I'm a terrible hostess.
It's hard to see the attraction...
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