This is one of those emails that's going around, but it's so funny I'm stealing it for all of you. Thanks to Dumdad for passing it on to me:
To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door - nose height.
Dear Dogs and Cats,
The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed.. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.
For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years -- canine or feline attendance is not required.
The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough!
To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door:
To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets:
1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (That's why they call it "fur"niture.)
3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.
Remember: In many ways, dogs and cats are better than kids because they:
1. Eat less
2. Don't ask for money all the time
3 Are easier to train
4. Normally come when called
5. Never ask to drive the car
6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends
7. Don't smoke or drink
8. Don't have to buy the latest fashions
9. Don't want to wear your clothes
10. Don't need a "gazillion" dollars for college.
11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children.
And now, time to dispense with all these awards
Lots of awards to pass on, so let's be orderly about this, people. You each get five seconds to thank your mom and your agent, bow, and get off the stage. Lotsa people backed up behind you. No pushing. No hogging the mike. Don't want a riot.
from -ann: and kaycie
i give this award to:
i can't tell if this award is a compliment or not. am i being called a monkey? a banana? i'm going to assume it's a good thing, and therefore i give it to:
dog park days
from my dogs keep me sane:
this one has to go to other dog lovers. so it goes to:
from retired and crazy, and also from la vie en rose:
fort lauderdale daily photo blog, who has the least imaginative blog name out there but a beautiful blog, especially this time of year!
from jo beaufoix, and also from babaloo:
la vie en rose
ooh a shiny pen
Now let's all kick off our shoes and have some cookies!