OK, not to go on and on about gross medical procedures...

...but suffice it to say that I finally got around to reading the pamphlet about my prep for the colonoscopy.

Did I say that my biggest dread was going a day without chewing?

Ha!

My new biggest dread: chug-a-lugging 64 ounces of Gatorade that has been laced with eight ounces of super-duper high-powered laxatives. I'm not exaggerating. I'm supposed to gulp down a glass every 15 minutes until it's gone.  

The pamphlet helpfully tells me that if I get nauseated and start vomiting, I should just rinse out my mouth and keep drinking.

Second-biggest dread: Getting up at 5:30 a.m. the morning of the procedure and glugging a 10-ounce bottle of something that looks just like rubbing alcohol but is, actually, more high-powered laxatives.

Who thought this was a good idea again? Seriously, there is a 50 percent chance I will cancel this appointment just like I canceled the last one. Except that I have already spent $25 on necessary stuff.

Here's a picture of all my accoutrements:



This does not include the four-pack of toilet paper that Doug thoughtfully purchased for me this morning.