Tuesday, November 8, 2011

The dead will always be with us--and so will their stuff.


We moved everything out of the alcove the other day, so that we could have some bright warm carpeting put down before winter sets in. The alcove is a funny little room off our bedroom--perhaps in the old days it was a sleeping porch, but when we bought the house the windows had been closed up, the walls had been covered with dark paneling, and the room had been turned into a closet.

We ripped out the paneling, installed big windows, and added electric heat. It's our winter porch now, a cozy west-facing place to read in the sunshine when the drifts are high and the wind is howling. But the floor was cold, and it needed carpeting.

So we moved everything out and, in the course of doing so, I decided, as I do every so often, that we have Too Much Stuff.

In the alcove:

A desk, once my dad's, left to me after his death. It's full of stuff, so I must need it, right? But I seldom sit at it (didn't even write my book at it) and we end up piling stuff on top of it. Doug hangs the hangers from his dry-cleaning from its drawer pulls until he can gather them up again and recycle them.

A tall bookcase, loaded with books, but also with candleholders and pretty little boxes and various ceramic or china figurines, all gifts over the years from people, many now dead.The prettiest box is wooden, with a carved rose and a sliding drawer. It was my grandmother's, and when she died it became my father's, and before he died he gave it to me. It's beautiful. There is really nowhere to put it. It sits on top of the bookcase in the alcove where nobody ever sees it, gathering dust.

Two plants, both from a funeral. A low table, with more books and more candles. A comfortable chair that rocks and creaks.

You get the idea.

So after we moved everything out (and cluttered up the rest of the upstairs by stashing it all here and there) my clutter-seeking eye turned to the rest of the house.

And what I saw was overwhelming. Most days you just live with the stuff, you look past it, you know it's there but it's just part of the atmosphere. But when you actually look at it, oh my. It makes me want to weep. I don't have a clue what to do with it--any of it!  Every bit of surface area in the house has something on it. Every wall has pictures, every bookcase has stuff, even the floor is covered (with rugs and shoes and dog beds).

From where I sit right now, at the dining room table, this is what I see on the bookcase in front of me:

An unframed print from a friend, propped up against the wall

A small pottery plate, from another friend

A small flowerpot I bought the first time I went to Ireland (it's full of coins)

A Mason jar full of spare change

A pen

A delicate blue vase that belonged to a friend, now dead. In the vase is a dried sprig of seed pods from the golden rain tree that we planted on the occasion of my father's death.

A straw hat. (Doug's.)

A framed photograph of a grinning Boscoe that was in Doug's mother's apartment before she died.

A small ceramic thimble that had been my sister's when she was alive.

Hundreds of books.

Multiply all that by every bookcase in the house (I think there are 13) and every tabletop (five) and every bureau (two) and you have: a lot of stuff. Or, that is, we have a lot of stuff.  Do you, too?

Are your lives awash in clutter? Cords from various electronic devices, slippery stacks of magazines, notebooks, rolls of tape, little figurines or sculptures or decorative boxes, framed pictures, earbuds, CDs, too many pens, small glass vases, tacking nails that you found on the floor and were afraid to throw away because they probably go to something, frayed extension cords, odd things from art fairs ...

I cannot blame everything on dead people, though I have a lot of dead people's stuff. And I cannot blame everything on gifts, even though a lot of the small pretty things were gifts. I am not sure who to blame--surely I didn't set out in life to acquire so much stuff. I can't remember the last time I bought anything that wasn't food or clothes or books (or rugs for Boscoe).

And yet--here it all is.

Many many years ago I visited my brother in Seattle and was taken by the way he lived. He was single then, and lived alone in a very small house--practically a shed--behind another house, off the alley. There were rose bushes in the yard, and inside his shed were the bare necessities: a narrow bed. A saggy couch, where he slept during my visit. A desk (possibly homemade; it might have been an old door laid across two sawhorses).

In his bathroom, his few necessities--toothpaste, toothbrush, shampoo--were kept inside a plastic carrying case, as though he were ready to pick up and leave at a moment's notice.

He was working on his dissertation, and I think a map of the world was pinned to the wall above his desk. In the kitchen, he had a couple of plates, a couple of glasses, a couple of mugs. He brewed coffee a cup at a time, pouring boiling water through one of those plastic V-shaped coffeemakers that you bring with you when you go camping.

That was about it. The place was tiny and tidy and efficient. I loved it, loved the secret front door off the alley, and the blooming roses. When I stood at the tiny sink and washed my coffee cup and breakfast spoon, I could look out the window at all Seattle. This is a great way to live, I thought.

At one time, I lived that way, too. Owned almost nothing except books and clothes, and I remember one Thanksgiving when I moved from tiny furnished apartment to tiny furnished apartment I moved by myself, carrying my boxes down the snowy street.

How did I manage to acquire so much stuff since then? As I was rushing around madly on Sunday, trying to find things to throw away, my hand grabbed a small china vase that one of my sisters had given me for Christmas years ago.  Doug stopped me. "It's small," he said. "It doesn't take up much space." And I set it down again.

Are you, too, awash in clutter? Does it bug you? Do you even notice it? What do you do about it? Or, if not, how do you avoid it?

Surely I am not the only one living practically and quite accidentally on the verge of hoarder-dom.

32 comments:

Pondside said...

I'm admitting nothing - but I change the channel as quickly as possible when one of those hoarder-intervention shows comes on.

Rudee said...

Yes. I have clutter. You can multiply that by 3 homes. I take a lot of the clutter to Rachel's house and we're having a big estate sale next month. I've been sneaking a lot of my clutter on to the sale tables.

It's hard when you have to fit a lot of stuff into a small place. Your porch does not look cluttered to me. It looks cozy.

Amy said...

You're not alone. I've been trying to reduce the clutter. Partially because I've been helping my dad clean out his house to sell it, and I see how much stuff can pile up when you're 89. Also? He wants me to take a bunch of his stuff. Most of which I don't want either. Sigh.

Far Side of Fifty said...

You make me laugh..and you said it so well. Reduce, reuse recycle..I am trying..it is really hard. I am guilty..how do I give or sell all the dead peoples stuff..slowly on etsy or ebay I guess...I have moved a bunch of their stuff out of the house to the garage where it sits in boxes and rubbermaid containers. perhaps it need to be done in stages:)

Green Girl in Wisconsin said...

Oh honey, we totally wrote the same post today! Only you wrote yours better--and I say this out of respect for your gift with words, no envy at ALL!

I think there's much to recommend that spartan lifestyle and I am striving, STRIVING to achieve it lately.

Lynda said...

Oh yes, I have lots of stuff. I've been going through my house (slowly)and boxing and donating. I acually have empty cabinets in my kitchen now. I recently donated EIGHT boxes of clothing. That tells you how long it had been since I cleaned out closets. By the time I make it through the entire house I'll have to start all over again. :)

Bookwoman said...

Yes, I am awash in clutter and yes, it does bug me. Every so often I make a stab at ruthlessly clearing out those little gifts and those handed-down bits of bric-a-brac, but it never seems to make much of a dent. My husband fights me all the way on de-cluttering.

Indigo Bunting said...

I come from hoarders so I know that I am not that. Still, I am shocked about how stuff arrives to fill the space available. It's what I CAN'T see that actually makes me most crazy. What's in the attic, the garage? Why is it there? When will I go through it?

The Barn Door said...

Oh gosh...your post is me exactly!! I don't have a clue what to do with it all. What is even worse is I have 3 houses worth of stuff!! My dads house in AZ, my dad's house in Indiana (because I have to live with him) and my own house in Indiana!!! O my it is overwhelming!!
Karen & the Hounds

Deborah said...

It's amazing how much you accumulate over the years, 16+ years in the same house and sometimes I'm shocked at the things I find squirreled away here and there. Still, our house is quite small with no basement and limited attic space. We have a rule: if we get something new, something old has to go back out the door. That rule was working pretty well until we both lost the last of our parents within a few years' time. We've only just now managed to finish sorting through tons of slide carousels and other items that seemed too precious to toss when we were clearing out our childhood homes.

We do plan to move again one last time, when we retire. Not quite sure how well that's going to work out. Oh well, we have some time...

Blissed-Out Grandma said...

My efforts to declutter usually run aground when I can't decide what to do with a given piece. So last summer I put a lot of stuff in boxes and said I'd decide later how to get rid of it. Now I have five large boxes sitting here in my office. I should just dump them without even looking inside, but I know that I won't. Sigh.

Two French Bulldogs said...

mom said we are hoarders
Benny & Lily

Carol E. said...

Yes - I have too much stuff!!! I've been trying to de-clutter for a couple years now. There is no noticeble difference. Yuckos. I don't want to be this way.

Anonymous said...

Ah, this is me too. To get ready for paint and new carpet, I've been culling books and packing the (at least for now) keepers in bankers boxes. 50 bankers boxes later, I think I'll be more ruthless on the next round. It makes it easier for me to give things to a good cause, but it's still hard. I'm motivated by my dread at the idea my son would have to do it at some point. I even hired a professional organizer to help me. So far I think the best thing she's done for me is to assure me that I wouldn't qualify as a hoarder! I'm lucky to have found someone who cares about books the way I do and who can gently help me send them (and other things too) back out into the world where they can make someone else happy. Also, paying someone for this advice does hurt a bit.... it keeps me moving!

Babaloo said...

I'll join the club - yes, I have too much stuff.
What bugs me most is the dust it generates or captures or, where DOES dust come from? And when it gets too much I have to clean it. Cleaning a small house with two dogs and one cat and with too much stuff in it (and don't forget two book-loving people) isn't easy. So I avoid it when I can. Which leads to even more dust. Gaahhhhh!!!!!

(Re the deleted post above, sorry, not fully awake yet, can't spell. Or maybe some dust got in my eye.)

mac said...

live=clutter

laurie said...

books (as many of you have mentioned) are, indeed, a big part of the problem. we have thousands of books, and that necessitates a dozen or more bookcases, and those take up a lot of space and get dusty and have flat tops that accumulate things.

but i cannot do without books.

a few weeks ago, i culled out no fewer than five grocery sacks full of books and brought them to a used-book store, where i donated them. can you tell? can you tell at all that a few hundred books are now gone? no, you cannot. and neither can i.

Anonymous said...

Oh, yes, I've been considering culling for a couple of weeks. Several years ago, six now, when the city flooded, most of our neighbors had to throw out just about everything and my beau and I almost (but not quite) wished our house had flooded too, forcing us to clean out. One neighbor, now 90, needed help. I could see the pain in her eyes - things were all she had left of her family - but she said, "Throw it out. I didn't come in this world with stuff and I won't leave it that way either. Throw it out." I try to keep only the memories, but . . . naomi

Pamela M. Miller said...

A most interesting post, as was the conversation about this subject over dinner tonight. I don't think you or I or anyone with beloved possessions is quite a hoarder, which is a more clinical thing, but our houses do fill up with the physical evidence of our experiences and sentimentality. Perhaps the most interesting thing is the occasional desire to purge, clear out, unclutter, create blank tabletops ... so we can collect more experiences and evidence thereof?

laurie said...

yes, pam, i do think that's part of it---we want to cull so that we can start over, in a way.

i also have this image of a clear, uncluttered space....which i can never achieve. and truth be told i have always immediately cluttered up whatever space i inhabit, even temporary cubicles or offices. i think i need the clutter, the visual stimulation. and yet the image remains.

Wisewebwoman said...

Resonate.
I have less excuse than you - I bought this house 7 years ago, summer place for several years.
I loved its simplicity and vast shiny wood floors that reflected windows.
And now?
I have boxes of books AND movies in the main hall awaiting decanting - to where? Other book shelves are jammed.
In this day of ebooks and netflix I berate myself.
But I love the comfort of them surrounding me.
I aspire to your bro's zenism.
From afar.
XO
WWW

elizabethm said...

Oh yes! This post resonates so hard with me I might have to write one of my own. My house now contains my father in law's stuff as well as our own even though he was extraordinarily good at not keeping things. I fight my husband's desire to keep things and would admit I can't help believing that his stuff is clutter while mine is evidence of a wide range of interests and a life well lived. Hangs head in shame. But yes, the idea of the simple life won't go away.

Eulalia (Lali) Benejam Cobb said...

Stuff--it's a curse, and we've brought it on ourselves. Have you heard about the Small House movement? People live in what sounds a lot like your brother's monastic space--tiny houses the size of a garden shed, with no stuff in them.

Scout 'n Freyja said...

Here I sit - one person in a four story Edwardian home along with two dogs and four cats and a monumental amount of 'stuff'. There is stuff here and stuff there. Like you - gifts from dead people and people who are living. Things bought for me by me and bought for me by others. Memories too precious to toss and things that need to be tossed but I haven't the heart.

Clutter, stuff, things, goodies - whatever they are called they are mine and here I sit in a four story Edwardian home surrounded by my stuff.

Brenda said...

First I will say that I am 48 years old, and the camp counselor shirt I wore when I was 21 is in the attic upstairs. That being said, in recent years I have made monumental strides at "letting go" of stuff. I purged my book collection (ouch), books I'd been holding on to for decades. And the amount of Christmas "stuff" in the attic is about a half or a third what it was a decade ago. I finally got rid of those lamps that were in my childhood home growing up. Both my parents have passed, so I had all their stuff too. I am not, and probably never will be, one of those people that has a spartan house filled with only the barest of necessities. But I did consolidate my memorabilia into a few select boxes (maybe 6 or 7?) and for me that is HUGE progress! I was surprised at how freeing it felt to de-clutter. I was especially surprised at how good I felt after I narrowed my book collection down to the MOST important and valued books. I felt "lighter." Good luck, this is a tough one!

BilboWaggins said...

I badly need to finish clearing through boxes of "stuff", old letters, tickets, cards, personal memorabilia.

When deciding whether to keep something or not I try to think "how would I feel if husband or a friend had to go through this when I'm gone?" (we have no children). That often makes it easy to decide whether to keep an item or not.

Donna Henderson said...

I am so there too! Too much stuff! I have a house full of my late parents', grandparents and great-grandparents, great-aunts and uncle's stuff... it is just ridiculous. (Didn't anyone in my family ever throw anything away?) It feels like a burden in a way. I feel like I am a heirloom repositry and I really shouldn't sell family stuff. Let me know when you figure out a feasible solution! I don't have a lot of kids to pass it on to and I don't want to live in a museum! Hey, I know! A FIRE! (Or maybe not. ;>)

mrb said...

Fires don't discriminate.

Collecting and moving " our stuff" was George Carlin's best monologue! Do it methodically and patiently remembering the spirits of those gone before. One person's junk is another's treasure so hope that someone will be grateful to have found just what they were looking for.

Mr.Giggles said...

http://amuzing-me.blogspot.com/2011/11/like-boss_17.html

Funny dog on a turtle check it out

Gail said...

WE have enough stuff to open a shop and have done just that.

MNR said...

Laurie, you have opened the floodgates with this great piece (which i shared on FB) I see that Jane Brody is even confessing the same situation -- stuff is so endlessly fascinating, yet can so easily drag us down :) Happy Thanksgiving, Ann
http://www.nytimes.com/2011/11/22/health/the-hoarder-in-you-a-book-that-can-help-cut-through-the-clutter.html

dogs health pedia said...

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